Keeping Hope Alive

It's 2017 and a lot has changed.

Kayla is now 8 and in 3rd grade. Livie is 5!and just started Kindergarten last month!

I came across an old post via TimeHop which was a link to this blog so I followed it. The passage was from back in 2013 and how Linkin Park had made a special NICU video using Castle of Glass for a charity. I clicked on the link it it no longer work. Thankfully I found a new link today. On July 20th the lead singer, Chester Bennington, took his life. Although I never met him, my husband did. He worked on a small project for Cardon's Children's Hospital out here in AZ.

It's amazing how one day can change so much in ones life. I'll always be a Linkin Park fan. I loved that the guys helped spread the word about preemies, doctors, and the NICU. This video takes me back to 2012 and the 6 weeks Livie spend in the NICU after arriving 10 weeks early.

RIP Chester. You made a huge impact in this world.

_-J2BOVcLinkin Park - Castle of Glass - Keep Hope Alive

It's the summer of 2015 already?

I wrote this back in June but forgot to post.

So today I had a coworker asked me about my pregnancy losses which made me think that I hadn't written in my blog for a while. So I guess I should get back into this.  Last summer I was jobless. Another layoff but the light  at the end of the tunnel was that I got to be a stay at home mom and spend more time with the girls. I was able to attend Livie's physical therapy and occupational therapy appointments as well as her G.I. doctor appointments.  I was able to watch Kayla start her first day of kindergarten and Livie started at her first full day at preschool before I went back to work for an amazing company that I hope to retire from.

In that time Livie was given an MRI to rule out cerebral palsy and a had growth hormone evaluation to see if she needed treatment.  Thankfully the results were negative for both.  She continues to see her G.I. doctor and do physical therapy once a week.  She also does occupational therapy every other week but is doing great and excelling.   Both girls are in swim lessons and gymnastics and we are looking at other activities for this coming fall to get them into.

 It truly is amazing to think that  I never thought I would have children or be a busy mom.  Looking back at where I was nine years ago wondering if I would ever be a mom is quite  interesting. I wish I could go back to myself then and reassure the insecure young woman I was that all would be okay despite experiencing eight pregnancy losses and a stressful adoption process. But here we are.  It's 2015 and I will be turning 36 to September. I have a full-time job and a busy schedule with the girls.  My husband and I work hard so that we can provide our girls with the best opportunities possible to thrive and grow.

Livie is now three and Kayla is six years old. I know this time will fly by and as much as I wish I could slow it down there is nothing I can do about it.   So for now I try to stay in the present as much as possible for they will grow up to be young women in a blink of an eye.

It's Really Been a While!

Wow-

Looking at my blog I realize it has been way to long since I have last written. Things have been crazy busy since becoming a stay-at-home-mom and a freelancer.  Life seems to flash by and I realize there isn't much time for myself to reflect and write.  When I do have a free moment I'd rather take a nap.

Both girls celebrated birthdays.  Kayla is now 5 and Livie is now 2!  It's still hard to believe that Kayla is starting Kindergarten in August.  I feel like it was just yesterday we brought that precious little baby home.  Don't even get me started on Livie!  2 years old already?  Tomorrow marks 2 years since her discharge from the NICU!

So I've been trying to handle a few battles since my last post in December.  Mostly parenting battles and trying to figure out this whole SAHM routine.  Let's just say I have a very sassy and opinionated 5 year old.  She is certainly developing her own opinion about things.  I have now stepped back from picking out her clothes for the day.  She no longer wants mommy's input and only if her mood is right am I able to suggest something that "matches better" with the colorful skirt she has picked out.  Still, she amazes me everyday with her love for life and her energy.

Miss Livie had a great follow up appt at her Developmental Pediatrician appointment!  I think it's the first one that I have left feeling like we are moving in the right direction and that I'm actually doing something right!  lol
As of last month here are her stats:

Height: 32 1/2 inches!  (they actually had to check this twice because they couldn't believe the growth spurt she had)

Weight: 18.6 pounds (I believe we are finally at 20 pounds now given her last "unoffical" weigh in)

Here is where she lands in regards to the average toddler:

Height: that of a 16 month old
Weight: that of an 11 month old
Verbal Language: that of a 26 month old!

So we are making strides.  Gaining weight and growing although not as fast as the doctors may like but we are moving in the right direction.

It's so hard because I get conflicting info from the many doctor's and therapists we see.  GI says we are doing awesome and to keep doing what we are doing with the Pediasure.  (she drinks 3 a day)

Developmental Ped wants us to start cutting out the Pediasure and give her coffee creamer instead.  I don't think I really agree with this one and I'm sure GI would not approve so I am trying to get her to not drink her Pediasure at bedtime and nap time and have it more throughout the day as well as serving high calorie foods.

I've decided that I am not going to force Livie to eat.

Every time I do she throws it up.  She will eat when she wants

She cried and cried last night and we couldn't get her down to bed.

Then she threw up when I took her out of her crib

She had eaten turkey, yogurt, and Oreos.

I was excited she kept eating but she over did it I think. Everything all of the doctors have told me is good info but I have learned that when she's ready to do something she will do it in her own time.

There is no need to rush things despite their insistence to do so.  

I am so tired of hearing what she should be doing and where she should be. She will do it in her own time! 

Just like her early arrival in this world, Miss Livie appears to be calling the shots!

It's Been A While........

I've been MIA for a while.  A lot has happened since the last time I wrote.  Once again I was laid off due to a workforce reduction at my most recent employer.  That is 3 layoffs in a row for the same reason.  Very frustrating.  BUT.....I have gotten to hang out with my girls more!  It's nice being home and spending time with Livie.  I love going to pick up K from school and not showing up there exhausted from the work day.
I am still looking for a new job but I am trying to make the most of my time home with Livie and really work on her weight gain and spending quality time with Kayla.

Here are some updates on Livie and Kayla.

Kayla is doing great in school, learning new things everyday and continues to excel in gymnastics and karate.
Livie's weight is up slightly but she is still a peanut weighing in at 16 pounds 12 oz and finally wearing 12 month clothes.  We went to the Endo doc yesterday and they agreed with our pediatrician that Livie's growth hormone levels and thyroid look great.  So we just need to fatten her up a bit.  I am trying new foods and recipes with her and Kayla to see if I can get both of them to gain some weight but mostly Livie.  She needs it!

I am very blessed.  I have a hard working husband and 2 amazing and healthy girls.  I know losing my job happened for a reason.  Praying it all works out in the end.

It's That Time of Year Again!

Stationery Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Above is our Christmas Card for 2013.  Waiting on them to arrive next week sometime so I can get them shipped out.  I usually have them sent out by now but we had to delay our photo shoot until November

.

Just When I Thought I Was Over It........

Just when I thought I was getting over the whole traumatic NICU experience and preemie thing an amazing yet hard to watch video brings it all back.  Check out this amazing video by Linkin Park below.  I'm so glad they made this video but that didn't make it any easier to watch.  I felt like I was re-living our NICU experience with Livie all over again.  If you know someone who has a baby in the NICU please say an extra little prayer for them.  It's a very terrifying experience.

Go to this link to watch the amazing Video

Linkin Park-Castle of Glass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXOV0jRkf4

It's hard to believe that 18 months ago Livie came into the world at 29 weeks 5 days.   I'm so thankful to our amazing NICU team.  They were truly amazing.

October 15th- a Day of Celebration and a Day to Remember

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.  It's a catch 22 for me because it is also my husband I's Wedding Anniversary.  I hate that I have to share and celebrate these two occasions on the same day every single year.  Tomorrow will mark 8 years of marriage to my wonderful husband and although it is a day for happiness I am also reminded of our 8 angels in heaven and the struggles we went through after our wedding to start a family.  I am so thankful that I can look back at those years and know that my biggest fears were conquered since we have 2 amazing little girls and are a family of 4 now.  Still, to share the day with something sad kind of sucks.  So, this year I will light our 8 candles, hug our two miracles, and celebrate the joy of marriage with my husband. We have sure come a long way in the past 8 years!

Kayla and me 7/8/09

Livie and me 4/29/12