Keeping Hope Alive

It's 2017 and a lot has changed.

Kayla is now 8 and in 3rd grade. Livie is 5!and just started Kindergarten last month!

I came across an old post via TimeHop which was a link to this blog so I followed it. The passage was from back in 2013 and how Linkin Park had made a special NICU video using Castle of Glass for a charity. I clicked on the link it it no longer work. Thankfully I found a new link today. On July 20th the lead singer, Chester Bennington, took his life. Although I never met him, my husband did. He worked on a small project for Cardon's Children's Hospital out here in AZ.

It's amazing how one day can change so much in ones life. I'll always be a Linkin Park fan. I loved that the guys helped spread the word about preemies, doctors, and the NICU. This video takes me back to 2012 and the 6 weeks Livie spend in the NICU after arriving 10 weeks early.

RIP Chester. You made a huge impact in this world.

_-J2BOVcLinkin Park - Castle of Glass - Keep Hope Alive

It's the summer of 2015 already?

I wrote this back in June but forgot to post.

So today I had a coworker asked me about my pregnancy losses which made me think that I hadn't written in my blog for a while. So I guess I should get back into this.  Last summer I was jobless. Another layoff but the light  at the end of the tunnel was that I got to be a stay at home mom and spend more time with the girls. I was able to attend Livie's physical therapy and occupational therapy appointments as well as her G.I. doctor appointments.  I was able to watch Kayla start her first day of kindergarten and Livie started at her first full day at preschool before I went back to work for an amazing company that I hope to retire from.

In that time Livie was given an MRI to rule out cerebral palsy and a had growth hormone evaluation to see if she needed treatment.  Thankfully the results were negative for both.  She continues to see her G.I. doctor and do physical therapy once a week.  She also does occupational therapy every other week but is doing great and excelling.   Both girls are in swim lessons and gymnastics and we are looking at other activities for this coming fall to get them into.

 It truly is amazing to think that  I never thought I would have children or be a busy mom.  Looking back at where I was nine years ago wondering if I would ever be a mom is quite  interesting. I wish I could go back to myself then and reassure the insecure young woman I was that all would be okay despite experiencing eight pregnancy losses and a stressful adoption process. But here we are.  It's 2015 and I will be turning 36 to September. I have a full-time job and a busy schedule with the girls.  My husband and I work hard so that we can provide our girls with the best opportunities possible to thrive and grow.

Livie is now three and Kayla is six years old. I know this time will fly by and as much as I wish I could slow it down there is nothing I can do about it.   So for now I try to stay in the present as much as possible for they will grow up to be young women in a blink of an eye.

It's Really Been a While!

Wow-

Looking at my blog I realize it has been way to long since I have last written. Things have been crazy busy since becoming a stay-at-home-mom and a freelancer.  Life seems to flash by and I realize there isn't much time for myself to reflect and write.  When I do have a free moment I'd rather take a nap.

Both girls celebrated birthdays.  Kayla is now 5 and Livie is now 2!  It's still hard to believe that Kayla is starting Kindergarten in August.  I feel like it was just yesterday we brought that precious little baby home.  Don't even get me started on Livie!  2 years old already?  Tomorrow marks 2 years since her discharge from the NICU!

So I've been trying to handle a few battles since my last post in December.  Mostly parenting battles and trying to figure out this whole SAHM routine.  Let's just say I have a very sassy and opinionated 5 year old.  She is certainly developing her own opinion about things.  I have now stepped back from picking out her clothes for the day.  She no longer wants mommy's input and only if her mood is right am I able to suggest something that "matches better" with the colorful skirt she has picked out.  Still, she amazes me everyday with her love for life and her energy.

Miss Livie had a great follow up appt at her Developmental Pediatrician appointment!  I think it's the first one that I have left feeling like we are moving in the right direction and that I'm actually doing something right!  lol
As of last month here are her stats:

Height: 32 1/2 inches!  (they actually had to check this twice because they couldn't believe the growth spurt she had)

Weight: 18.6 pounds (I believe we are finally at 20 pounds now given her last "unoffical" weigh in)

Here is where she lands in regards to the average toddler:

Height: that of a 16 month old
Weight: that of an 11 month old
Verbal Language: that of a 26 month old!

So we are making strides.  Gaining weight and growing although not as fast as the doctors may like but we are moving in the right direction.

It's so hard because I get conflicting info from the many doctor's and therapists we see.  GI says we are doing awesome and to keep doing what we are doing with the Pediasure.  (she drinks 3 a day)

Developmental Ped wants us to start cutting out the Pediasure and give her coffee creamer instead.  I don't think I really agree with this one and I'm sure GI would not approve so I am trying to get her to not drink her Pediasure at bedtime and nap time and have it more throughout the day as well as serving high calorie foods.

I've decided that I am not going to force Livie to eat.

Every time I do she throws it up.  She will eat when she wants

She cried and cried last night and we couldn't get her down to bed.

Then she threw up when I took her out of her crib

She had eaten turkey, yogurt, and Oreos.

I was excited she kept eating but she over did it I think. Everything all of the doctors have told me is good info but I have learned that when she's ready to do something she will do it in her own time.

There is no need to rush things despite their insistence to do so.  

I am so tired of hearing what she should be doing and where she should be. She will do it in her own time! 

Just like her early arrival in this world, Miss Livie appears to be calling the shots!

It's Been A While........

I've been MIA for a while.  A lot has happened since the last time I wrote.  Once again I was laid off due to a workforce reduction at my most recent employer.  That is 3 layoffs in a row for the same reason.  Very frustrating.  BUT.....I have gotten to hang out with my girls more!  It's nice being home and spending time with Livie.  I love going to pick up K from school and not showing up there exhausted from the work day.
I am still looking for a new job but I am trying to make the most of my time home with Livie and really work on her weight gain and spending quality time with Kayla.

Here are some updates on Livie and Kayla.

Kayla is doing great in school, learning new things everyday and continues to excel in gymnastics and karate.
Livie's weight is up slightly but she is still a peanut weighing in at 16 pounds 12 oz and finally wearing 12 month clothes.  We went to the Endo doc yesterday and they agreed with our pediatrician that Livie's growth hormone levels and thyroid look great.  So we just need to fatten her up a bit.  I am trying new foods and recipes with her and Kayla to see if I can get both of them to gain some weight but mostly Livie.  She needs it!

I am very blessed.  I have a hard working husband and 2 amazing and healthy girls.  I know losing my job happened for a reason.  Praying it all works out in the end.

It's That Time of Year Again!

Stationery Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Above is our Christmas Card for 2013.  Waiting on them to arrive next week sometime so I can get them shipped out.  I usually have them sent out by now but we had to delay our photo shoot until November

.

Just When I Thought I Was Over It........

Just when I thought I was getting over the whole traumatic NICU experience and preemie thing an amazing yet hard to watch video brings it all back.  Check out this amazing video by Linkin Park below.  I'm so glad they made this video but that didn't make it any easier to watch.  I felt like I was re-living our NICU experience with Livie all over again.  If you know someone who has a baby in the NICU please say an extra little prayer for them.  It's a very terrifying experience.

Go to this link to watch the amazing Video

Linkin Park-Castle of Glass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXOV0jRkf4

It's hard to believe that 18 months ago Livie came into the world at 29 weeks 5 days.   I'm so thankful to our amazing NICU team.  They were truly amazing.

October 15th- a Day of Celebration and a Day to Remember

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.  It's a catch 22 for me because it is also my husband I's Wedding Anniversary.  I hate that I have to share and celebrate these two occasions on the same day every single year.  Tomorrow will mark 8 years of marriage to my wonderful husband and although it is a day for happiness I am also reminded of our 8 angels in heaven and the struggles we went through after our wedding to start a family.  I am so thankful that I can look back at those years and know that my biggest fears were conquered since we have 2 amazing little girls and are a family of 4 now.  Still, to share the day with something sad kind of sucks.  So, this year I will light our 8 candles, hug our two miracles, and celebrate the joy of marriage with my husband. We have sure come a long way in the past 8 years!

Kayla and me 7/8/09

Livie and me 4/29/12

A little fun with Magisto!

Livie's short video



Kayla's short video

TIME Cover Says: Having It All Means NOT Having Kids

Love this blogger's comments about the Time Magazine cover.  And as a parent who has gone through infertility treatments, jumped through the hoops to adopt and finally carried a baby and gave birth I can totally relate to this blogger's take on the cover.


 http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/julie-cole-the-baby-machine/20130807/having-it-all

K & Livie

Today Miss Livie is 15 months old! (1 year 2 weeks and 5 days adjusted age)  She had a blast in the Toddler area at the Play Factory while her big sister K attended a birthday party there.  K graduated from her Goldfish swim class on Saturday and is now a Jellyfish!  We are all very excited for her!

rock wall climbing

Wow!!

play time at the Play Factory

Moving up to the next class in swimming!

Miss K (7/28/13)

New Shutterfly Book of the Girls- Sisterly Love Volume 1

New Shutterfly Book  of the Girls- Sisterly Love Volume 1

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create a gorgeous, high quality wedding photo album at Shutterfly.com.

Livie's Shutterfly Book is Finally Completed!

Livie's 1st year book is finally done!  It took me a lot longer than it took me to do Kayla's when she was a baby but I finally finished it!  Can't wait for it to arrive.  Now to start on their 2012-2013 sister book!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Build your own high-quality photo books at Shutterfly.com.

Family Vacation, Kayla's "Gotcha Day" Anniversary and Livie's 1st Birthday (adjusted age)

It's been a busy week of celebrations!  The 4th Anniversary of the day we met and brought Kayla home was this week as well as Livie's 1st birthday (adjusted age) had she arrived on her due date.  Both girls are doing great.  It's hard to believe that when I started this blog I was childless wondering if I would ever be a mom.  Now we have been blessed through the miracle of adoption and a successful pregnancy and are a family of 4!

We also took a family trip to Pinetop with 3 other families and had a blast.  The house was amazing.  It was located off the golf course on the 15th hole and had a play room for the kids complete with the old fashion Pac Man arcade machine.  I think we all wish we could have stayed a little longer or maybe even the entire summer to escape the Phoenix heat of 118 degrees.

me and the girls

Daddy taking a golfing break with his girls

The Pinetop gang

Pinetop 2013

Developmental Pediatrician Appointment

Livie Update:

6/24/13 PPA Kidz Klinic

Went to her developmental pediatrician today.

We had good and bad news.

Let's get the bad news over with:

She has a wandering eye so we have to get back to the eye dr.  Maybe need a patch and drops. If that doesn't work she will need surgery.

She is almost 14 months old and the size of a 6 month old.  At this rate they said she may not even be 4'11.  They are going to re-evaulate her at 18 months old and see if we need to see an Endo Doc and put her on growth hormones (which I really don't want to do at all).

Good News

she is right on track her her adjusted age! (11 months old)

Looking really good and babbling a lot.

They want to start sleep training and let her CIO. ("cry it out"ugh that is going to be so hard)

They like that she is eating well but want us to go up to 12oz a day of Pediasure and gave me a list of high calorie foods.

So all and all it was a decent appointment.  

She is 25 inches long and weighs 15 pounds 4 oz

We go back again in October.

Father's Day 2013 and Updates!

Father's Day 2013!

Wow- I guess I got behind in my posts!  Father's Day this year was mellow.  Both Kayla and I were getting over being sick but managed to go out for lunch and dinner with my husband to celebrate his day.

Kayla Update:

Miss Kayla has started the summer program and begins full day Pre-K in August! In the mean time she is busy with swim class and gymnastics.  We have recently ventured into the world of "no naps" and that has been pretty interesting to say the least but she is much more pleasant in the mornings.  She is growing up so fast!  I feel like she will be in high school soon even though we aren't even in grade school yet!  

Livie Update: 

We have 4 teeth now!  I was starting to wonder when they would show up since it had been 2 months since her first 2 appeared but they are popping out like crazy now.  Her reflux meds are working great and she loves to eat!  I think she is happy to be off the nasty Similac Alimentum formula.  We see her Developmental Pediatrician on Monday.  I'm excited to see what her weight is.  We also got our first haircut!!!

Watch out!  We have a climber!!!  She is also walking along the couch with help so I'm sure she will be walking soon!

Our sweet little Livie turned 1 year old last Monday!  Today she is 10 months (adjusted age).  It's hard to believe a year ago, around this time, we were visiting her in the NICU not knowing when she would be coming home.  Her weight at her 12 month check up was 13.4 pounds.  Not the greatest but we are hopeful her new GI meds are working and she will show some nice weight gain soon.  Her next GI appointment is next Wed the 15th.  I think she is over the formula now.  She LOVES Pedisure now so hopefully she will continue to to drink that up so we can had some pounds on her.  She had tubes put in her ears last Tuesday. We are already seeing a huge difference in her.  She's happier, more talkative, and last night she said the word "up!"  

We also have new ankle braces to help with her walking and have less than a week left with her Doc Band!  I will not miss that thing!  Earlier this week she had a sweat test to rule out CF (cystic fibrosis) and thankfully it was negative! Hoping age 1 is filled with fun, reaching new milestones, and fewer doctor's appointments and NO HOSPITAL STAYS.

                Livie's Sweat test for CF

 A sweat test is used to diagnose cystic fibrosis. During the test, medicine that causes sweating is applied with a gauze pad to either the arm or the thigh. A mild electrical current pushes the medicine into the skin to cause the child to sweat. The sweat is collected, and then the salt content of the sweat (sodium and/or chloride) is measured.
 http://www.webmd.com/lung/sweat-test

Birthday Girl!!

Updates, turning 4 and the approach of Livie's 1st Birthday!

Livie-

so tired and sleepy

Hard to believe that a year ago I was on hospital bed rest praying that Livie would be okay and that I could keep her in as long as possible.  Laying there in bed, watching the world outside through a window was hard but so worth it in the end.  We are so blessed to have our little miracle.  

playing with her toy phone 4-21-13

It's been a challenging 1st year for our little girl.  Recently she has been pretty sick battling temperatures and not able to keep all of her food down.  My husband is taking her to the doctor in about an hour to see if there is anything we can do.  They told us on Friday that it was a virus and that we would have to just ride it out.  My biggest concern is her lack of weight gain.  There is no doubt that she lost weight this past weekend.  

Having a preemie is a challenge.  We have multiple doctors appointments each week.From PT to Doc Band to Specialists. I wish I could be there for all of them but thankfully we split them up between my dad, my husband, and me since I have to be in the office.  Last week she was fitted for her ankle braces and I'm excited to say that she has been taking steps, with help, and is a very happy baby despite battling ear infections and reflux issues.  We ordered pretty ankle braces with flowers and butterflies on them and pink straps.  Of course we had to glam them up a bit.  lol  

This week she sees the Nutritionist, Ear Nose, and Throat, and has a sweat test to rule out CF (cystic fibrosis).  Do we think she has CF?  No- but the GI doctor wants to rule everything out so we can get to the issue at hand in regards to her not being able to keep her food down.  The nurse told me this is the protocol for "failure to thrive" babies.  I hate that phrase because she is thriving in other ways.  She was given that diagnosis because of her weight gain issues.

So hopefully our little Livie will be up and running and back to her healthy self by the time the 29th rolls around which is coming up fast.  It's hard to believe she will be turning 1 a week from today.

Kayla-
Kayla continues to amaze us everyday.  She is such a happy little girl with a sassy personality.  She started swim lessons again on Saturday and loved it.  She can't wait to go back next week!  Sunday we spent the day relaxing on grandpa's boat and hanging out with Aunt Sarah and her dad.  It was a fun time and K loved being pulled by the boat in the inner tube.  It's so hard to believe she is already 4 years old!

I'm 4! 4-12-13

holding up her ribbon from swim class

at the lake

Sometimes life is challenging but I look at my family and know that everything we have worked so hard for has been worth it.  Every struggle, every battle, every hardship we face we continue together to overcome each obstacle.