Week 4 of Viral Protocol

Week 4 of the Viral Protocol.  I'm so tired of the pills and the shots but I know that if  (correction) WHEN this works it will all be worth it.  The bruises are starting to get really bad and hurt but I have to keep pushing forward and keep going.  Once we hit week 6 I will go in for more blood work to see if my DOC has improved. (not really sure what that is.  What I do know is that if it has improved I should have a better chance carrying a pregnancy to term once I am pregnant again) 

I believe this whole protocol thing is helping.  Last week I went to the gym every single day and did laps in the pool.  It was funny, as I was completing my workout I heard my alarm go off on my phone which I would usually use to wake up from my nap!

I'm dragging a little today but I still plan on heading back to the gym to get a workout in.  I have attached the latest pic of my belly.  I really wish these were baby belly pregnancy pics :(  Hopefully we can start trying again in July.   Guess my heparin belly pics will have to do for now.

My 2nd Mother's Day and Update on Viral Protocol

My 2nd Mother's Day and Update on Viral Protocol

My second Mother's Day was amazing.  It still amazes me that 2 years ago motherhood was just a dream and now my baby girl is 2 years old and filled with such personality.  This weekend we really worked on potty training.  What a stressful and frustrating thing to teach, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  I feel so lucky that I have been blessed with such an amazing daughter.

On the "trying to carry to term" front we are in our 3rd week of the viral protocol.  I am now finally on the heparin and all of the meds. I started feeling pretty sick yesterday and this morning but I think it is because I took the pills on an empty stomach.  Once I had food in my stomach I felt much better.  On Sunday we start our second Z pack.  My tummy is starting to hurt from the bruises at the injection sites.  I wish I was writing this as me being in the 2nd trimester instead of this vial protocol.  ((sigh)) someday (hopefully soon) I will be writing to you all with a 2nd trimester belly and a baby kicking inside. 

I'm really trying to get my workouts in between 4-8p but it's hard.  I'm so exhausted around that time and I have to pick K up from daycare.  I do have a 7 day pass to 24 Hour Fitness so I am going to try and go swimming this afternoon since the doc says that is the best exercise for me.  Looking forward to working out some more.  It definitely helps my mood and makes me feel better. 

  

Week 2 of Viral Protocol

Finally I got the heparin ordered via home shipping so I don't have to pay the $350. I hope it arrives in time.  The nurse at the docs office said she told them I needed it ASAP and my Lovenox runs out on Sunday.  I feel bad because I have literally called the nurse about 10 times since my appt last Tuesday!  She is probably so sick of me.  I am now on all meds, in full swing, for the next 6 weeks or so.

Below is a pic of my belly after 5 days on Lovenox.  Not too bad yet but the bruises will really start coming out yet soon.  So not excited for that but this is my journey so I am taking it one day at a time.  I guess this is one way of getting to take belly pics although I would much rather be taking pics of my growing belly with a baby inside like most people. 


Lovenox belly after 5 days of injections 2x a day

Today I decide to update my written journal since it has been a while. I have had one since I was in the 2nd grade and have collected them throughout the years.  Then I started blogging and totally forgot about it.  Flipping through it quickly one of my ultrasound pics fell out.  In fact all whole slew of them flew out from the back of the journal from Sept 2009 when we lost our son Ashton Michael.  I had a good cry then picked myself back up again and listened to some happy music to get me moving forward.  I hate days like this when those little reminders pop up.  It's okay.  I'm going to be okay.  One day at a time.

So Frustrated I want to Cry!!!

Urgh I am so frustrated I want to cry right now.  So far I've spent over $500 on prescriptions and vitamins for this viral protocol.  I just called to see how much my heparin will cost and insurance isn't covering ANYTHING!!!  $339.23 for my heparin!  I HATE my insurance plan!  Hate it!!  I have a $500 deductible.  It's almost May.  Surly I have met it by now.  So why aren't they covering any of it?  Of course I called to talk to them and they are closed because I live in Phoenix and they are on East Coast time.  Meanwhile I have 21 days worth of Lovenox from my last pregnancy that hopefully my doc is going to let me use. The nurse said that should be fine but she has to talk to him tomorrow and find out the dosage.  I will still have to get the heparin once that Lovenox runs out but maybe the cost won't be so bad since we will have a few paychecks coming in before then.

Keep in mind that when we had an HMO heparin never cost this much and Lovenox was covered at 100%!  Now that my husband's company has forced us to go PPO we are paying out of pocket for so much.  What is the point in having insurance if it isn't going to cover anything?  Ugh I just want to cry.  I'm tired of pouring our hard earned money into fertility treatments when others are popping babies out at the cost of a co-pay for their hospital visit.   It's just so unfair.

Last night my husband told me he was mad at me because this is costing so much.  I know he is frustrated at the cost and worried about money but that really made me feel like crap.  I didn't sleep well at all. I cried this morning.  If I wasn't so broken and my body worked like almost every other females we would have so much extra money to do things.  Why is the cost of wanting a family so much for us when for most others it doesn't cost them nearly as much if anything? 

Acupuncture alone is $100 a week.  So essentially I am paying the amount of 4 car payments a month.  The 2 car payments I actually have, the acupuncture, and then daycare.  That's an extra $1100 we spend a month on acupuncture and daycare.  I don't mind spending the money on daycare but of course I would rather be a stay at home mom instead.  WHEN baby number 2 comes along he/she will stay home with me for the first year like Kayla did.  I work from home so that isn't a problem. 

I just want a check to fall out of the sky or obtrain the winning lottery numbers.  Sorry to rant and rave here. I am just so frustrated.  Over 5 years and thousands of dollars we still are only 1/2 way to having the family we always dreamed of.

Why is this dream so hard to attain?!

Pill Popping Machine

Here is an update from my appointment this morning regarding the blood work. (15 vials of blood later)

Basically what the test results revealed was that I have an underlying viral condition. (most likely caused by Epstein Bar) a mono type virus I got when I was in high school. My eggs are excellent he said and there is nothing wrong with my cycle. I guess a certain number needs to be at least 200 for egg quality and I am at 250 which is great news.

He has me doing a viral protocol in which I am going to be a pill popping machine for the next 6-7 weeks! I also have to do my heparin injections 2x a day which means no bikini this summer. (heparin injections leave the tummy black and blue). I have to exercise every day for 25 min between 4-8p and get deep sleep every night between 10p-6a. Attached is a pic of all of the meds I had to buy today. (Heparin and syringes not included in pic). Once this is done I go to the bee keeper in Mesa for 2 bee stings in June.

THEN we can start trying to conceive again.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it all but if it gets me to carry to term I will do it.

 Please Please Please pray this works.

Once I am pregnant I will of course be on heparin again along with prednisone and acyclovir and possibly an antibiotic. He says my body isn’t handling the stress of a pregnancy very well and the vessels are tightening up causing me to lose the babies. Doing this protocol will put my body back in line and get it ready for pregnancy. Once pregnant they will continue doing tests and adjust my meds daily to get me into the 2nd trimester. I may even be on the meds throughout the entire pregnancy.

God I pray this works. This is our last and final attempt. My husband said if we lose another one we are done and will look at another adoption possibly. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. We are going on 5 years of this crap and frankly I’m tired of the rug being pulled out from underneath me each time.

Waiting for Tuesday

Blood work came back for Progesterone and it was 18.5 which is way above 3 so I didn't have to do the Birth Control Pills.  Last Tuesday they took 12 vials of blood from me and ran numerous tests.  They are still waiting for 2 more tests so my follow up to go over the the whole panel of results is next Tuesday at 10:15a.  God I pray he has found something that is fixable.  I don't want to be classified as "unexplained."  I want a reason and I want it fixed so I can carry to term and give birth.

Feeling kind of down today.  Hoping the fact that this weekend is Easter will cheer me up. I am so ready for a vacation.  Too bad we aren't going on one until July.  Hopefully by then I will be pregnant and things will be going well :)

So for now I'm Waiting for Tuesday.

Healing Incantation

Sometimes I wish this worked outside of a Disney Movie.

Flower, gleam and glow

Let your power shine

Make the clock reverse

Bring back what once was mine

Heal what has been hurt

Change the Fates' design

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine