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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Before I Was A Mom

Mother's Day is coming up soon. I've been feeling a little emotional. My due date for the last pregnancy is Mother's Day and one of my co-workers is due any day now to have her baby and our due dates were 3 days apart. So May 9th is a bitter sweet day for me. On one hand it will be my first Mother's Day as a mom but also the day I should be giving birth to baby number 6. So hopefully I'm not an emotional wreck that day.

A friend sent this to me today in an email and it brought me to tears. I am so happy to be a mommy.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom


Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Today Show Segment 4-1-10 Coping with Infertility and Miscarriage

I had tears in my eyes when I saw this segment on The Today Show. Although I am technically "resolved" and am a mother now I still feel the effects that infertility and multiple pregnancy losses has had on my life. I still hold that dream of carrying a pregnancy to term myself and long to have the experience of giving birth. Everything in this segment rang true to my heart. From giving myself shots, to the emotional roller coaster, to receiving birth announcements in the mail, to lost friendships along the way. It does bring some comfort to me that the media has taken a strong stance in making infertility and miscarriage known in the US. Not everyone gets married and has a baby so easily. I wish people would understand that. This is the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life and sometimes those around me don't understand how devastating it is to lose not 1 baby, not 2, but 6 babies. I have been told that I should just "get over it" already. Although I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter in my life and am finally a mom I will never forget those 6 babies that never made it to this earth.

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