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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Just Smile

Charlie Chaplin: Smile

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky

you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun shining through

For you.

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide every trace of sadness.

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying.

You'll find that life is still worthwhile-

If you just smile.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ripley's Believe It Or Not African Fertility Statue Exhibit

So I was telling my friend how bummed I was that I am going to miss the Ripley's Believe It Or Not African Fertility Statue exhibit when I am in Canada by only 2 weeks.  She happened to be in Ocean City, Maryland last week and had a chance to touch them herself!  She told me to send her a picture of my hands and she would touch her cell phone with the statues.  I know pathetic on my part right?  But so thoughtful on hers.  So I did it.  She text me with a message saying "you have just virtually touched the statues."  LOL The things I will do to have a baby.  I swear. 

I would still like to see them in person but don't know where they will be going after the tour is over.  My hope is that they end up at the LA location so I can drive there from AZ when I go visit family and friends and stop by while I am in town.  Who knows if it really works but it is worth a shot right?  The other place I would love to visit is Kununurra, Australia where Nicole Kidman and 6 other women swam in the waterfalls and all ended up pregnant and carried to term. (Northern Western Australia)  I haven't been to Australia since I was in the 6th grade so it would be great to go back and see it now that I am old enough to really appreciate it. 

pic I sent to my friend so I could virtually touch the statues
Article about Nicole Kidman

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

An Amazing Dream!

I had the most amazing dream last night. I dreamt I gave birth to a baby boy! I remember I was very surprised because it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. (Which I'm sure is completely unrealistic. LOL)The baby looked exactly like my husband too. He had all of the characteristics of both of us but I remember thinking he was a mini version of my hubby. That is what we always say about my nephew. He is a mini-version of my brother-in-law.

I hope that the dream was a sign. It all felt so real.  Hopefully it was a premonition.

I came across this e-book about helping people carry to term and have healthy babies called Pregnancy Miracle. It was only $39 and my hubby said I could order it. It's a holistic approach combined with TCM. I figure I will read it and see if it works.  The most I will lose is $39 which in the grand scheme of things is nothing compared to what I have been paying for the past 4 1/2 years.  Seems like a pretty small risk.  If my year long break and acupuncture don't work I at least have this to fall back on.

So many things are going on in my life these days.  Last week I received a call from my boss that I was getting a raise.  Today we found out we have a cash offer on our home that is for sale, and my hubby was just offered promotion with another department within his company.  So things are looking up.  I pray they continue to go this way! I almost feel like I am jinxing it by writing this out.  I'm so superstitious!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Talk With My Acupuncturist

Friday before we set out on our mini vacation to San Diego over 4th of July weekend I went in for my weekly acupuncture appointment.  I actually forgot my phone in the car which was a good thing because I was able to actually relax. I wasn't able to take pictures anyway this time because he put 2 needles in each arm.  As I was getting my new herbs and paying for my session he re-iterated not to get pregnant for a year.  Gosh that seems like a long time.  He said if I do I will lose the baby again because my body will not be ready.  I was about to ask the question that  had been on my mind all week but before I had a chance to he answered it for me. 

That question?  What are my chances that this is going to work?

He said my chances are very good and gave me a 70% chance of carrying to term with my own eggs if I follow his instructions and do exactly what he says.  That means taking my herbs religiously 3x a day everyday and attending weekly acupuncture appointments.  It also means eating shellfish, minimizing my caffeine, alcohol and spicy food intake.   While this is great news and a better prognosis than western medicine has given me of carrying to term with my own eggs he also said that this is my last chance.  If this doesn't work he will not be able to help me.  I left the office feeling very hopeful but also nervous.  Is this really my last chance?  I'm only 30 years old!  How could I be running out of time to carry a pregnancy successfully and give birth?

I hate that I'm only 30 years old but feel so much older than that due to my fertility issues.  It makes me feel ancient! Like I should have started trying for a baby earlier.  I started trying when I was 26!  I thought that was early enough.  I just wish I could be like every other 30 year old woman out there who wants to continue to grow her family.  Still I am holding on to that glimmer of hope I have inside me that this will work. Time to go take some more herbs! LOL 

July 6th 2009

A year ago today we met our birth mom and our beautiful daughter Kayla in Reno, NV.  That morning I woke up nervous and excited.  I hadn't slept all that much the night before in anticipation of this day.  So many things filled my mind.  Will our birth mom show up when we arrive to pick her up for our appointment?  Will she go through with it or change her mind?  Will today be the day I am finally a mommy?

We arrived at Patty's sister's apartment in Sparks, NV to pick her and the baby up.  I called her from the car to let her know we were outside waiting.  She walked up carrying a beautiful baby girl in her arms with brown hair and hazel eyes. Instantly our hearts melted.   Patty handed me the 2 1/2 month old baby girl and we loaded her into the car seat.  I don't remember the small talk we had on the way to the social worker's office but I know I tried to keep it light and cheerful. I could only imagine what Patty must have been going through that morning.  What was our most joyous and proud day was probably the hardest day of  her life.  We arrived at the office and met with our social worker Meg. 

Meg asked if we wanted to chat for a while and get to know one another but Patty, our birth mom, wanted to get on with the signing of the paperwork.  They took her into another room while my husband and I waited with Kayla in the office.  I held Kayla as she fell asleep in my arms.  I wanted to start snapping pictures right away of our beautiful daughter but  at the same time we were very fearful that Patty would return with documents unsigned and say she had changed her mind.  In fact I don't think we even took a single picture of Kayla until after we dropped Patty back off at her sister's apartment and headed to Walmart to get more baby supplies.  (We hadn't bought much because we were so afraid we would come home empty handed).  The whole experience was surreal.  I felt like I was watching a Lifetime movie waiting for the story to take a tragic turn where the bottom falls out and  the whole thing collapses in front of us.  Too many times did we have the rug ripped out from underneath us with our 5 previous pregnancies.  Why should this time be any different?

But it was!  Patty and our social worker Meg reappeared with signed papers in hand.  Our birth mom sat down next to me and stroked Kayla's hair as she lay sleeping in my arms.  I felt joy but also sadness for our birth mom.  What a brave woman she was that day.  There were tears and hugs shared among all of us.  We dropped Patty off at her sister's apartment and headed to grab something to eat and share the good news with our family and friends. 

I remember calling our family and friends to tell them the news.  WE WERE FINALLY PARENTS!  We had waited years to announce this kind of news.  The morning of July 6th 2009 is a day I will never forget.  It was the day my dream of becoming a mommy finally came true and was truly the happiest day of my life.