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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Praying Mantis

Thank You for the birthday wishes yesterday. I had a wonderful day.

Today I found out another friend is pregnant.  At first it hurt but I decided that I wasn't going to let this news affect me the way it usually does.  I did some EFT work, drank some healthy Teavana Tea (I'm obsessed with the tea and it's health benefits), did some yoga and meditated.  I feel so much better and even more so, I am excited for my friend and my own future. 

A lot has changed about me since I started working with Fay Jones back in August.  Each week we have a 30 min call and I am given homework. She has really changed my way of thinking and given me some great suggestions.  I'm eating healthier now and because I am doing that I feel better, happier,  and more at peace.  I still have my moments of frustration but I think now I am learning to deal with it in a more positive way.  I also do "wall work" which consists of putting my legs up the wall for 10 min with my hands on my belly and listening to quiet music.  It is so relaxing and helps blood flow to the reproductive organs. 

I'm feeling very happy and positive.   If I get a BFN next week I'm not sure how I will handle it.  I will be disappointed but I know I will pick myself back up and try again for cycle 4.  Part of me is starting to get nervous that I haven't gotten pregnant yet because the doc said the viral protocol lasts about 5 months.  We are currently in the 2ww of cycle 3. 

A couple of days ago I saw a Praying Mantis.  My husband says these are good luck which of course made me curious so I looked it up.  Here is what I found:

Praying Mantis Meanings in the Realms of Animal Symbolism

The mantis comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Usually the mantis makes an appearance when we've flooded our lives with so much business, activity, or chaos that we can no longer hear the still small voice within us because of the external din we've created.

After observing this creature for any length of time you can see why the symbolism of the praying mantis deals with stillness and patience. The mantis takes her time, and lives her life at her own silent pace.

A quick-list of praying mantis symbolism:
  • Stillness
  • Awareness
  • Creativity
  • Patience
  • Mindful
  • Calm
  • Balance
  • Intuition
These traits have lead the mantis to be a symbol of meditation and contemplation. In fact, in China, the mantis has long been honored for her mindful movements.

The mantis never makes a move unless she is 100% positive it is the right thing for her to do. This is a message to us to contemplate and be sure our minds and souls all agree together about the choices we are making in our lives.

Overwhelmingly in most cultures the mantis is a symbol of stillness. As such, she is an ambassador from the animal kingdom giving testimony to the benefits of meditation, and calming our minds.

An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quite and reach a place of calm. It may also a sign for you to be more mindful of the choices you are making and confirm that these choices are congruent.

When I saw the Praying Mantis I watched it on my patio for a long time.  He/she was very careful with her movements and still.  (that is until my dog Mojo saw it and chased her away)  But before that happened I got down really low to the ground and took a picture.  What an interesting creature.  Was a sign?  I think so, but probably a sign to be more mindful and enjoy life.  I am really trying to live for "today" and not worry so much about the future. 

Am I growing wiser with age?  LOL 

Here is the EFT tapping I used today which totally helped if anyone is interested:
Title:  How do you feel when friends get pregnant first?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'm 32 today

I'm 32 today and you know what?  I actually feel pretty good!  I'm feeling very energetic, hopeful, and happy.  I feel at peace.  I'm still in the 2WW and test next week but today I am not thinking about that.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and daughter and so many friends that have filled my Facebook page with birthday messages. 

So for today- I'm putting those baby blues and worries aside and going to enjoy my day.   (I even got my butt to the gym today too!! YAY- Go Me!)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Is that a Baby Belly? Uh....Nope.

Last week I went to drop off my daughter at daycare before heading to the gym.  I was wearing workout pants and a t-shirt.  Her teacher approached me and said:

"What's that?" 
(I had no idea what she was talking about) 
She said, "Is that a baby belly?  You're pregnant!?"  

(Ouch that one hurt) 
I smiled and said, "no, not yet." 
Inside I was crying.  I wish I could have been saying "yes I am and look at my beautiful belly!  We are so excited Kayla is going to be a big sister! " 

But no I gave the same answer I always do "no, not yet" (insert fake smile on face). 

I'll admit it.  I'm a good faker when it comes to these kind of situations.  I walk into my fertility docs office and I'm all smiles.  You wouldn't even think I have experienced 8 miscarriages in almost 6 years.  I guess I'm pretty good at pulling it off now.  But deep down I'm very sad.  I want to be like most women out there and have a labor and delivery story to share.  I want belly pics to post and send to family and friends. I want to go shopping for maternity clothes.  I just feel like a part of me is missing.

Okay- I'm snapping out of it.  I just did my EFT (emotional freedom tapping) and I need to move forward, not backwards.  I need to get out of this funk and look at all of the wonderful things I have in my life. 

I am very blessed and very lucky. 

  • I have a wonderful husband
  • an amazing daughter who is my world
  • a roof over my head
  • a job
  • my health
  • my determination
  • wonderful supportive parents
  • amazing friends
  • knowledge  
  • The car I have been wanting
  • 2 dogs that adore me (I'm the one they get treats and walks from:) )

So why isn't it enough?  Why can't I let this one thing go?  Just because I didn't give birth to become a mom, shouldn't I just be thankful for what I have?

I guess as humans we always want more and when we finally get it, we want something else.  It's a vicious circle isn't it.

Moving upward and onwards.  Doing my exercises to boost fertility, watching my sugar, taking my vitamins, and trying to stay healthy and positive.  Come on September! Let's make this a great month!

If you want to learn more about EFT check out Fertile Mind Set TV on YouTube

Also-Sarah Holland's website


Monday, September 5, 2011

Cycle 2 post Viral Protocal- BFN, Cycle 3 & Preparing for Baby

Love that I found this graphic online.  It adds humor and speaks volumes all at the same time

Well- I can't say I'm surprised.  With all of the stress about our birth father the day I got the surge of course I wasn't relaxed.  I'm okay with it because I have started working with a great lady from CA named Fay Jones.  I'm doing a 6 week class with her over the phone and she is really helping me to relax and change my way of thinking.  She totally understands where I am because she herself experienced multiple miscarriages before giving birth to her daughter who is almost 12. 

So we are now on our 3rd cycle of "preparing" for a baby.  That is one of the things I have learned through Fay.  I need to stop using the word "trying" and replace it with other more positive words that re-affirm what I am doing.  So, like I said, we are on cycle 3 of preparing for a baby.  Here is to September being the lucky month!