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Monday, February 25, 2013

Doc Band Helmet #2

Doc Band Helmet #2. Decoration gets done March 8th.  We had a little set back this weekend.  My husband had to take Livie to Cranial Tech this morning. They had to make some major adjustments to her helmet due to excessive redness on her head. We kept it off all weekend to avoid further delays. Now
we have to do 3 hour checks and then then continue 23 hours a day if redness dissipates
fun fun :( 3 1/2 more months of this helmet. I will not be sad to see it go!  Let the countdown to Doc Band graduation begin!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Before I was a Mom....

Kayla and me when she was a baby
Livie and me when she was 2 days old

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

                                                    Before I was a Mom,
                                                  I had never been puked on.
         Pooped on.
      Chewed on.
      Peed on.
        I had complete control of my mind
       and my thoughts.
      I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

9 Month Old Check Up and Seeing Old Familiar Faces

Livie's check up went really well!  The doctor was pleased with her weight gain over the weekend.  On Thursday (Jan 31st 2013) she was 12 pounds 11 oz and yesterday Monday (Feb 5th 2013) she was 13 pounds 2oz!  So despite the throwing up episodes the extra calories are working!  Tomorrow we have our Doc Band appointment to discuss the second helmet and do her DSI evaluation.  Our spirits are up since we finally got to 13 pounds!

Yesterday I went to see my SIL at the hospital  since she just gave birth to my new nephew a few days ago. I dropped Livie off at PT with my dad so I could head back to work but on my way out I ran into our social worker from when I was on hospital bed rest.  We had a quick chat.  I told her about how I ended up losing my job after Livie came home anyways but that things worked out and I found a new one.  It felt good to hear her tell me I looked great.  The last time she saw me I was frail, stressed, and pale.  It made me realize that I have come a long way in the past 9 months.

To top off my morning at the hospital I ran into my favorite nurse Kathy while I was on the maternity floor.  She was my life saver in the OR.  I remember crying hysterically saying, "I can't do this!" as I stood there staring at the incubator, trying to get onto the operating table.  She held me up both physically and emotionally.  Held my hand when they gave me my spinal block, and was there the entire time when Livie came into the world.  I gave her a big hug yesterday and was so happy to see her.  Of course I showed her pictures of Livie and she was thrilled to see them.  It's nurses like her that truly love their job and make a difference in people's lives.

Friday, February 1, 2013

9 Month Old- Good and Bad News

I woke up to Livie coughing which sounded like a barking seal. She was not a happy 

camper. I got her up and fed her. As soon as I went to burp her she puked up the entire 

bottle all over me. Ugh I hate that reflux!!!! They had me up her cal to 24 cal and she is still 

adjusting to it. This past weekend I was thrown up on twice and dealt with 2 blowouts. 

Needless to say I took her to the doctor today. She has the early stages of what they believe 

is Croup. Oxygen Saturation was at 100% Thank God. They told us to keep her away from 

small children for a few days since she is contagious. 

They want us to continue to try the 24 cal formula because they are concerned about her 

weight. She is only at 12 pounds 11 oz :(

Livie also is going to need to wear a Second Doc Band.

I'm so tired of that damn thing!

They said she isn't growing as fast as they anticipated know it's not the end of the world but 

I just feel like crying 

FEELING DOWN: I just feel so depressed right now. I'm doing the best I 

can but I really wish I could be home with her to feed her and take care of her the way I 

know I can in order for her to grow and thrive. I hate relying on other people to do this job 

for me. Guess it's just hard for me because Kayla was such an easy baby. I felt like the best 

mom ever. With Livie I feel like all of the doctors and therapists take the wind right out of 

our sails when we are excited about a new milestone. I feel like I am not doing anything 

right. :'( She is 9 months old actual and still only weighs 12 pounds 11 oz. Wearing 3-6 

month clothes.

On a positive note she learned to clap and is sitting up unsupported now so that is what I 

am trying to focus on for now.  I know a year from now it won't matter that she had to 

wear a second Doc band or that she weighed under 13 pounds.  She will be a vibrant fun 

loving toddler and this will all be a memory much like her NICU stay.  When you look back 

she has really come a long way since April 29th 2012! Love my two girls so much!

Livie 9 Months Old Actual

Showing off her mad clapping skills!  lol