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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Huge Milestone for Me Today

Today I am thankful for having the courage to do something I thought I wouldn't be able to do.

I visited my best friend in the hospital to meet her new baby boy. We were pregnant at the same time but I miscarried again so it was a hard thing for me to go see her knowing I should be where she is in 8 weeks. I haven't been to a hospital to visit any babies since her first son was born 4 years ago (before all of my pregnancy losses) so it was a huge milestone for me.    My next goal is to finally attend a baby shower again but I'm just not sure if I am ready for that yet.  We will see.  One step at a time I suppose.

Seeing baby Braxton was amazing.  I held him and fed him.  Touched his little tiny fingers and toes.  I just wanted to stay there all day.  I tried to leave several times but I kept coming up with things to talk about so I could hold him just a little longer.  I wanted so badly for that to be me in the hospital bed caring for a baby I just gave birth to and have visitors come to see the miracle I helped create.  Instead I walked out passed the nursery, passed a pregnant woman walking down the hall trying to induce labor, out the door and drove back to my home office to deal with computer and work issues. 

I still believe it is going to happen for me.  I know I can do this.  I just have to keep the faith, keep up with acupuncture, herbs, wheat grass shots, eating healthy, etc.  Why would God put this determination and willingness to keep going in me if he wasn't going to fulfill this dream?  He already answered one of my prayers.  I am a mama and for that I am truly thankful.  My next dream is to give birth to a healthy baby and give Kayla a sibling. 

So I will press on, press forward, and keep looking up towards the goal.

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