Love this! I often feel exactly how this blogger is writing. I almost cried when I read this.
Here is the link to her blog in case you want to read other posts.
dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing.
You're not.
If you and I were sitting in Starbucks and you had your fave drink and I had my Caramel Macchiato I'd look at you, and I'd tell you the truth - you're not failing.
I know. I'm guessing, you'd wipe away the tears, and look up, and try to nod your head, but inside, inside well, you'd think that those are nice words but seriously she has no idea. You know why I know? Because I've sat in a coffee shop, across from a friend, a friend who looked me smack in the face and told me that I wasn't failing and that I was doing a great job.
If you and I were sitting in Starbucks and you had your fave drink and I had my Caramel Macchiato I'd look at you, and I'd tell you the truth - you're not failing.
I know. I'm guessing, you'd wipe away the tears, and look up, and try to nod your head, but inside, inside well, you'd think that those are nice words but seriously she has no idea. You know why I know? Because I've sat in a coffee shop, across from a friend, a friend who looked me smack in the face and told me that I wasn't failing and that I was doing a great job.
I wanted to tell her about the dishes from yesterday sitting on my counter.
And how the pile of storybooks wasn't read again. And that I'm a week behind in
laundry. And that I got really really irritated at the mixture of 13 toys all
dumped in a pile that two days ago was sorted into 13 labeled boxes. I wondered
if she knew that some days, some days I get up and just go through the mom
motions without even really finding much joy. It felt like drudgery.
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How could she tell me I wasn't failing?
Yet, I wasn't.
Somehow in the mixed up media world we've got these thoughts of moms being
perfect. Society doesn't give us a break. I mean read this article in the New York Times about the pressure on moms to look a certain
way after they give birth. And then? Then we're to be ultra creative, crafty,
humorous, happy, chipper, up before dawn, to sleep after dark, with our sinks
shined, and the laundry folded, and tomorrow's breakfast in the crockpot, with
tomorrow's dinner - pulled from our once-a-month cooking thawing in the fridge,
while we work out for 20 minutes on odd days and 40 minutes on even days, and
our hair is always done, we're makeup ready, our fridges are stocked, and the
craft closet bursting with ideas for that quick perfect afternoon art project
that we'll place on our recycled wood and mod podged adorned hand painted
chalkboard.
And, in reality, it's 8am and we're just getting up. The baby was up all
night, or the toddler sick, or honestly, we were just tired. We get our coffee
and flip on facebook and our stream is flooded with stuff people have already
done {I always tell myself -- different time zones} and we're racing to catch up
with this never before except for the last hundred years perfect never feel like
you're failing mom ideal that is exhausting.
You know what my friend told me? She told me to slow down. Slow down? How
in the world when I felt like I was failing was I to slow down? I had way way
way too much to do and I needed to read that parenting book to work on my
attitude and and and...and. And she told me enough. And that I was a good
mom.
You know, you're not failing.
You need to start to see all you do accomplish in a day. All the smiles of
encouragement, meals made, clothes changed, books read, and more. Just like I
wrote yesterday - we make mistakes {ten things moms need to remember} - we just need to learn from
them. We're out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing. Failing
means stopping. Not getting up, not trying, not giving. That's not you.
I want you to stop telling yourself you're failing. Instead I want you to
replace it with I can do this.
You can do this.
Those soundtrack words and feeling about failing are just feelings. Don't
let them define you anymore. If you hear I'm failing replace it
immediately with I can do this.
If you were across the table from me that is what I would tell you.
And, of course, I'd tell you do one thing. I'm going to write and
say it again and again and again. Write your list of things you want to do, need
to do, and would love to do today with your family. And then, do one thing from
each list. If you stumble, brush yourself off, and start again. Don't worry that
the neighbor across the street seems to be doing twenty or the pinterest pin
tells you that the perfect home can be achieved in 6 Easy Steps. This is your
life - and you - you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he
blessed those kids to you.
Remember that.
You are a good mom. You matter. You are making a difference.
You can do this. One step, one day, at a time.
From me, one mom in the midst of motherhood, to you.
****
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