I won't need to get a D&C after all. I miscarried here at the house on Saturday and went in today to bring in the tissue to be tested and had an u/s to make sure my uterus was clear of the pregnancy. It's just so hard to believe. Just 2 weeks ago I saw a healthy heartbeat and the doc said everything looked text book.
I guess I wasn't all that shocked when he told me on Friday that the baby had died. After going through this so many times I think I just become numb and try not to get attached because it always ends the same. They think that this baby will come back chromosomally abnormal do to my egg quality and my elevated FSH but I'm just not so sure. The results came back as a normal boy that last time we saw a heartbeat with my 3rd loss. Guess we will see what the tests say about this one. Hopefully they can get some info from what I brought in.
It's weird but physically the losses get easier. This one wasn't as painful as the 4th one I did naturally and that one wasn't as bad as my very first loss back in 2006. Emotionally of course it gets harder but I will say that having Kayla here makes this one easier to handle. It's just so depressing. I feel like when I walk in the office I'm "the girl who has had 6 losses." It sucks.
But despite all of these losses I somehow feel I have more tries in me. Is that weird? I just have this feeling that I will carry to term one day if I keep trying. I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy. I remember saying after my 3rd loss that I would keep trying until I got my keeper. Here I am 3 more losses later and I somehow still feel the same way.
For now I am taking time to recover. I'm focusing on this wonderful baby girl I have been blessed with and going to enjoy celebrating all of her first holidays. I've wanted to do that for so long. She truly is my miracle baby. The love of my life. (besides my hubby of course)
It's funny, my friends give me crap for having the Baby On Board magnet on my car but you know what? I don't care. I just come back with, "hey-I've waited almost 4 years and been through hell to have that on my car. I think I've earned it, I'm proud to have it on my car." I really could care less what they think. To me it is my bragging right.
No comments:
Post a Comment