"Even Miracles Take a Little Time": Miscarriage #6-October 2nd 2009

Miscarriage #6
October 2nd, 2009 (Missed Miscarriage)

Next week I am going to have to be out for a day for surgery. I found out today I am having my 6th miscarriage and they are going to do a D&C sometime next week but we aren’t sure when. They have to wait for the Lovenox to get out of my system before they can operate. (I have a blood clotting disorder so I have to take blood thinner injections when I am pregnant)

I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant. It was a complete surprise and when I found out I just wanted to wait and see if this one would stick. Only my parents knew about this pregnancy and a few close friends. We saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks 3 days. Today I went back for a routine follow up ultrasound at 8 weeks 5 days and found out the baby died a week and ½ ago. So this is my 6th miscarriage and my 2nd missed miscarriage as I didn’t have any symptoms to indicate anything was wrong. (and I still don’t) I should know more on Monday when they are going to schedule me for surgery. In the meantime there is no reason I can’t work next week so I am going to. Plus it will help me keep my mind off of things. It will be business as usual with the exception of the day I have surgery. This will be my 3rd D&C so I pretty much know what to expect afterwards. So tired of this crap. Why do I keep getting pregnant if I can’t carry at least one to term?

I just don't understand why this keeps happening. 6 pregnancies 0 live births. Why do I keep getting pregnant if I can't keep them. It’s so unfair :( I'm so tired of this emotional roller coaster. I'm nauseous right now too. That's one of the worst parts. I still feel pregnant and the baby has been dead for almost 2 weeks :( It such a horrible feeling. I'm so tired of letting my husband and my parents down. I really want Kayla to have a sibling someday. The thing that also sucks is that my EDD was Mother's Day :(

I'm so angry right now. Will I ever get to buy maternity clothes? Will I ever get to have the bulging belly? Will I ever get out of the first trimester and get to do those exciting 3D ultrasounds?

Thank God I have Kayla. Having her makes it much easier. She is my saving grace. My miracle baby. I love her so much. I am so happy she was brought into our lives.

Lisa
Mommy to Kayla Sophia & 6 angels