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Well, the Dr. is still following my HCG levels from this last pregnancy.

Monday 10-5-09 it was in the 1000's

Monday 10-12 it was 101

Monday 10-19 it was 16

So I still have to go back again. They couldn't get anything to grow from the tissue I brought in so we don't have any answers on baby #6. :( I feel so depressed right now. Maybe it is better that I don't know the sex of the baby and whether it was normal or abnormal. I have a follow up appt on the 6th. We will see what they say.

I HATE THIS! I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I’m so frustrated. I just want to carry 1 baby to term and give birth to a healthy baby. Just 1. That is all I want. I love being a mom and love Kayla so much. She truly is my miracle baby and the light of my life. I am so lucky and blessed to have her in my life. Adoption has been a blessing for all of us.

I just wish I didn't want this so badly. I just can't imagine never giving birth in this lifetime. I have always wanted an adopted child and a biological child. I want to have this experience, to have a successful pregnancy, carry to term, give birth, and give Kayla a sibling.

(sigh) maybe someday