"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling thru. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." -Cinderella
Today I watched Cinderella with my 7 month old baby girl and for the first time in years I actually listened to the words in this song. I never realized how much this song spoke to me with all that I have been through with my pregnancy losses and my journey to motherhood. My dream of becoming a mother has come true which I am truly thankful for. Kayla is my little miracle and I look at her in awe every single day. If we have to adopt again to get #2 I am more than willing. I love her as if I carried her for 9 months. I only wish I could take credit for how beautiful she is.
Last week I had my follow up from the 6th pregnancy loss. Now the doc is saying that he thinks IVF or IVF with donors eggs isn't really an option because all it would do is get me pregnant faster and not guarantee a live birth. Since I have been able to get pregnant on my own in the past fairly quickly he thinks I should just keep trying until one sticks if I am up for it. I really wish someone would say, "here is the problem, and this is how we will fix it" but I know I will probably never hear that sentence.
There is just still something inside me that dreams I will have a successful pregnancy and carry to term one day. Am I crazy because I still believe it is going to happen? Maybe so.
In the meantime I will keep on believing.