Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Finally things are back to normal with me physically. I was a little worried there because it was a good 6 weeks since my 6th loss before Aunt Flo finally showed up but I am now back on track.
There is still a part of me that wants to try this cycle but I know I just really need a break. I don't think I have the energy to endure another pregnancy and possibly another pregnancy loss right now. I just want to enjoy the holidays with my baby girl and my hubby and maybe give it another go sometime in 2010. I wish my desire to carry to term wasn't so strong but it is. I can't deny it and I just know I can't give up yet.
A ton of my friends are pregnant right now which is hard. I want to be right there with them. I should be right there with them :( I want to experience a successful pregnancy like everyone else around me. I still hold that dream very close to my heart.
Thankfully one of my dreams has finally come true. I am finally a mommy this Christmas and for that I am extremely grateful. I finally feel like I have a purpose. My job is to give this little precious baby the best upbringing possible. To give her a life full of so many possibilities and to teach her all of the things I have learned throughout my 30 years in life so far. I know I will remember this Christmas forever because I have waited so long to share it with my own baby. So I guess this Christmas I am going to choose to be at peace. I'm going to laugh, love, and enjoy every single minute of our first Christmas together as a family of 3.