(I had no idea what she was talking about)
She said, "Is that a baby belly? You're pregnant!?"
(Ouch that one hurt)
I smiled and said, "no, not yet."
Inside I was crying. I wish I could have been saying "yes I am and look at my beautiful belly! We are so excited Kayla is going to be a big sister! "
But no I gave the same answer I always do "no, not yet" (insert fake smile on face).
I'll admit it. I'm a good faker when it comes to these kind of situations. I walk into my fertility docs office and I'm all smiles. You wouldn't even think I have experienced 8 miscarriages in almost 6 years. I guess I'm pretty good at pulling it off now. But deep down I'm very sad. I want to be like most women out there and have a labor and delivery story to share. I want belly pics to post and send to family and friends. I want to go shopping for maternity clothes. I just feel like a part of me is missing.
Okay- I'm snapping out of it. I just did my EFT (emotional freedom tapping) and I need to move forward, not backwards. I need to get out of this funk and look at all of the wonderful things I have in my life.
I am very blessed and very lucky.
- I have a wonderful husband
- an amazing daughter who is my world
- a roof over my head
- a job
- my health
- my determination
- wonderful supportive parents
- amazing friends
- The car I have been wanting
- 2 dogs that adore me (I'm the one they get treats and walks from:) )
So why isn't it enough? Why can't I let this one thing go? Just because I didn't give birth to become a mom, shouldn't I just be thankful for what I have?
I guess as humans we always want more and when we finally get it, we want something else. It's a vicious circle isn't it.
Moving upward and onwards. Doing my exercises to boost fertility, watching my sugar, taking my vitamins, and trying to stay healthy and positive. Come on September! Let's make this a great month!
If you want to learn more about EFT check out Fertile Mind Set TV on YouTube
Also-Sarah Holland's website http://www.fertilemindset.com/