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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

So Frustrated I want to Cry!!!

Urgh I am so frustrated I want to cry right now.  So far I've spent over $500 on prescriptions and vitamins for this viral protocol.  I just called to see how much my heparin will cost and insurance isn't covering ANYTHING!!!  $339.23 for my heparin!  I HATE my insurance plan!  Hate it!!  I have a $500 deductible.  It's almost May.  Surly I have met it by now.  So why aren't they covering any of it?  Of course I called to talk to them and they are closed because I live in Phoenix and they are on East Coast time.  Meanwhile I have 21 days worth of Lovenox from my last pregnancy that hopefully my doc is going to let me use. The nurse said that should be fine but she has to talk to him tomorrow and find out the dosage.  I will still have to get the heparin once that Lovenox runs out but maybe the cost won't be so bad since we will have a few paychecks coming in before then.

Keep in mind that when we had an HMO heparin never cost this much and Lovenox was covered at 100%!  Now that my husband's company has forced us to go PPO we are paying out of pocket for so much.  What is the point in having insurance if it isn't going to cover anything?  Ugh I just want to cry.  I'm tired of pouring our hard earned money into fertility treatments when others are popping babies out at the cost of a co-pay for their hospital visit.   It's just so unfair.

Last night my husband told me he was mad at me because this is costing so much.  I know he is frustrated at the cost and worried about money but that really made me feel like crap.  I didn't sleep well at all. I cried this morning.  If I wasn't so broken and my body worked like almost every other females we would have so much extra money to do things.  Why is the cost of wanting a family so much for us when for most others it doesn't cost them nearly as much if anything? 

Acupuncture alone is $100 a week.  So essentially I am paying the amount of 4 car payments a month.  The 2 car payments I actually have, the acupuncture, and then daycare.  That's an extra $1100 we spend a month on acupuncture and daycare.  I don't mind spending the money on daycare but of course I would rather be a stay at home mom instead.  WHEN baby number 2 comes along he/she will stay home with me for the first year like Kayla did.  I work from home so that isn't a problem. 

I just want a check to fall out of the sky or obtrain the winning lottery numbers.  Sorry to rant and rave here. I am just so frustrated.  Over 5 years and thousands of dollars we still are only 1/2 way to having the family we always dreamed of.

Why is this dream so hard to attain?!


  1. I read your blog kind of by accident just surfing around. It touched me and I wanted to share something with you.

    I am looking for someone who who knows what really matters in life, because some
    day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, minutes, hours
    or days. All the things that were collected will be passed on to someone else.
    Your wealth, ...fame and power will become irrelevant. It wont matter what you
    owned or what you were owed. All grudges, resentments, frustrations and
    jealousies will disappear, as well as all your hopes, ambitions, plans and
    things to do. The wins and losses will seem trivial. It wont matter that you
    were beautiful or brilliant. What will matter is not what you bought, but what
    you built.... Not what you learned, but what you taught... Every act of
    integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or
    encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your
    competence, but your character. What will matter is not your memories, but the
    memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will
    be remembered, by whom, and for what. Living a life that matters doesn't happen
    by accident. It is not a matter of circumstance, but of choice. I'm looking for
    someone that chooses every day to live a life that matters. Anonymous

    You are making a choice to live a life that matters, you are trying to create a life that matters even to those who do not know you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers while you are going through your journey. I will check back every now and then I cant wait to see a posting that says I have a life inside me and this journey was the best journey of my entire life! :)

  2. Thank You so much for writing and reading my blog. When I read your post it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the prayers. I hope I get to write that post about the life inside me and the amazing journey that will result in my carrying to term and giving birth.