Lilypie 5th Birthday tickers

Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Week Number 7 of Viral Protocol and Frustration and Tears

Ugh I'm so annoyed and frustrated!! Apparently over the course of 6 weeks I was supposed to go for weekly blood draws bc I'm on heparin so they could adjust it as needed. It didn't say that on the paper anything about those labs. They said it isn't a big deal but it is to me! I wanted to do the 100% correct. My only saving grace is that I'm not trying to sustain a pregnancy at this exact moment. I went back and looked at the paperwork and all it said was SQ next to the word Heparin. (Meaning Sonora Quest) I'm not a fricking code reader! Sorry to vent. I called DH and he blew me off. I think I'm just emotional. I'm just so ready to be done with this. I just want to cry right now and scream WHY CANT I JUST BE A NORMAL PREGNANT WOMAN??? You know, sometimes I pretend I am. Especially when talking to people that don't know my history or that K is adopted.

I go again today to get my PPT (the heparin blood draw) which has to be taken 6 hours after my first injections.  I'm so tired of all of the rules, the pills, the wishing, the hoping, the praying. I just want this to be easy.  It's been 5 1/2 years and 8 pregnancies and I still haven't carried to term.  WTF???? 

I just feel so alone.  I'm starting to feel defeated.  What if all of my heard work just isn't enough?  I just want to cry right now.  My stomach is so bruised and bloated I feel like a whale. I would be excited if there was a baby in there but right now it's just that way because of the injections.  Please somebody tell me this is going to work!!!


  1. Hi - I hate to hear that you are going through such a hard time. But this is only temporary and you will get through it! It's amazing that you have so much courage and persistence to get through 7 weeks of shots. I can see how your patience is wearing thin. Hang in there just a little while longer - it will be worth it!

  2. Thanks TurtleMama for writing and for your encouraging words. :) I need them!