As I sit here at the computer I feel like crying. I've thought about how to approach my husband about this. I have even thought about telling him I will give up acupuncture (which would save us $400-$500 a month) buying the wheat grass shots, spending the money on progesterone cream and vitamins, staying in this house I hate as long as he wants, and giving up TTC (trying to conceive) thing altogether. But then a part of me wonders, Am I giving up on myself too soon? Or is 8 miscarriages enough? Where is my breaking point? Will this offer from our agency come around again in a year or 2 after I've tried carrying to term with acupuncture? Ugh I just wish I was rich. If I was I would sign back on with my adoption agency AND keep trying for my keeper.
I feel so lost. I want to have at least 2 children (always wanted 3) and I of course would love to carry a pregnancy to term and do it myself but this opportunity to adopt and bring home another baby in 2011 is here. I envy those celebrities who can pay for whatever they want sometimes.
My whole plan for 2011 was this:
- Continue acupuncture (which I have been doing since May of 2010)
- take wheat grass daily
- take B12, B6, folic acid, Fish Oil, etc everyday
- Get pregnant and get to the point of seeing a heartbeat and see if acupuncture can sustain the pregnancy all the way through.
If the above didn't work I wanted to adopt #2 or try a different fertility route.
But now this opportunity has presented itself and it is tugging at my heart strings.
I just want to cry. Why can't having a baby be easier :'(
BTW month #2 of trying and it was another BFN (Big Fat Negative)