Sunday, May 16, 2010
The other night I had a dream. I don't remember everything that occurred but I do remember walking into a nursery and seeing Kayla in her crib but she wasn't alone. There was a newborn baby girl in there with her. Then the dream shifted to me in a car with my dad and I was telling him how I wasn't even 31 yet and felt like a 40 year old. My dad and I arrived at a mansion where a convention was being held. The place was beautiful with elegant furniture, an amazing pool, and people everywhere. A man came up to us and asked us what company we were with and said he didn't think we were supposed to be there. I remember saying, "we were just leaving." Then I got angry and said "actually no, I'm in Marketing and have every right to be here" and the man and I started talking business. (huh? totally weird I know) I remember being dressed in business attire except I had dress shoes on without socks.(???)
Anyway, dad and I got back in car and I remembered that the girls were still in their crib and I needed to get back so I to get them up and ready for their day. I started freaking out trying to think who could get them ready in time because we were all running late for something. (No idea what that something was) It was so bizarre.
I wish I could talk to Sylvia Browne or Allison Dubois and find out what this dream meant and know what the future holds. I just want to know if I'm plain crazy for wanting to keep trying or if there really is something to this gut feeling that won't let me give up on my dream to carry a pregnancy to term.
This morning I woke up and started searching the Internet about elevated FSH. I began getting very discouraged at the statistics and medical findings. Then I turned on Joel Osteen and listened to him speak and began searching for success stories for those who carried to term with elevated FSH. I came across a website that gave me hope. A lady who was 36 had higher FSH levels than I have and conceived naturally and was 26 weeks pregnant at the time of her last post. That brought a smile to my face and I realized that just maybe I can do this.