More Heartache

October 20th 2008. I had negotiated a sweet deal with the adoption agency and obtained a grant that would save us some money on the fees. I was so excited. I had the papers in hand and had just called my husband to tell him the news. It was all coming together- finally! We had our home study scheduled for the next week and would sign the papers that night and get on board with the agency to help us locate a birth mom. I remember going into my co-workers office and giving her the great news. I was so excited I was floating.

Then the everything came crashing down in a blink of an eye.

My boss called me into her office. I will admit it. I had no idea what was about to happen. She knew of my plans to adopt and I had made sure I was working as hard as I could even though business was slow. She had been so supportive of our plans to adopt and I felt that being honest and up front with her and working my butt off would count for something. But it didn't. She laid me off. I felt me heart sink when she gave me the news. I didn't understand it but then I knew. When I asked her why me? She said she couldn't tell me but I knew. It was because I was the only one that didn't have children to support. My other co-worker was a single mom who had moved from another state to take the job. Everyone else in the company had little kids. I began crying. I even said, "This is because I don't have kids and I'm not a single mom isn't it?" She wouldn't give me an answer. I told her that now I couldn't qualify for adoption. There was no way I would get approved without a job and all she could say to me was "I'm sorry. I have to cut my ties."

I called my husband in tears and told him the news. I was laid off and that day would be my last day at the office. As I packed up my things and cried one of my co-workers came in and tried to tell me that this was based on a business decision. I told her, "no offense but that is crap and you and I both know it." I will spare everyone the details but if this was a business decision there was no way I should have been the first to go.

So I packed up my things, accepted my severance check and headed home to call my adoption agency and cancel my home study and let the other agency know what happened. I couldn't believe it. I had the contract in hand and was ready to sign and the rug was ripped from underneath me again! This was not fair. Hadn't I been through enough? 3 pregnancy losses, my dog had died while I was on a business trip, I was having trouble getting pregnant and now this? We had worked so hard towards this. My husband had even taken on a second job to save up for adoption and now I was jobless. This felt like another pregnancy loss to me because in a second my dreams of adoption were put on hold.